Last week I was watching a television show where the lead character went to work in a yellow dress and it immediately reminded me of my friend Ruby, whose favourite colour was yellow. For a few years, she tried to wear something yellow every day, and when she died suddenly and too soon in 2014, we all wore yellow to her funeral. I remember thinking how beautiful it was for her to have a signature colour, and how it was kind of like a gift she’d left behind for those who love her. I catch a glimpse of her (however brief, however oblique) every time I see anyone in yellow.
I admire people who have the nerve to claim a colour for themselves, like Prince, or these people who dress monochromatically. The boldness! Like saying you possess a piece of the sky or something.
Before she died, Ruby was always encouraging me to choose more colourful clothes. I promised her I’d try. And I did try, really. I thought I was doing pretty well until a few days ago, when I took a quick survey of my closet and discovered my lacklustre progress. I didn’t include outerwear or accessories, and I wasn’t sure what to do about the nine items I have that qualify as prints, but here’s a super scientific chart that represents the proportion of colours in my wardrobe:
(This poll was conducted on October 8, 2020 and is accurate to ±3 points, 19 times out of 20.)
As you can see, my closet is a bland of neutrals (black, navy, grey, denim), which tells you something about me. I’m not the nerviest girl in the world and, as a result, I have the wardrobe of someone who lacks the confidence to stand out.
That’s what colour means to me anyway: confidence, a coming into your own. And that’s why it is something I want to work on. As much as I understand that self-confidence is largely an inside job, I suspect it can also be infused a little from an outside source. I’ve worn enough outfits over the years to know the power of clothing, the way it can change how others see you, and also the way you see yourself.
And the truth is, I also want my clothes to express my insides, which are not always neutral. I have intense feelings about colour. I have a rich inner life, I promise! I’m just a little afraid of people noticing me, and it’s definitely easier to blend in wearing black.
Of course, if I went shopping for a monochromatic outfit right now, I’d probably end up in some sort of muted almost-colour. But because we’re talking hypotheticals and pandemic life is dull, let’s imagine that I can dress like Queen Céline instead.
(Céline Dion, clearly winning the pandemic in Peter Do)
Which brings me to this: Sometimes I think we’d all do better if our inner voices were the voice of Céline Dion. Imagine it. She would believe in whatever you did, she’d cheer you on enthusiastically in her cheesy French-Canadian way, and she’d have more than enough confidence for the both of you. She is full of love for your existence. She would not want you to hide in the shadows. Listen to Céline. Can’t you just hear her? You know I’m right.
:) Teresa
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