> CD #30: Spring cleaning

While sorting through all the clothes my kids have outgrown in the past few months, I decided to do a quick once-over in my own closet, just in case, and came across this denim apron dress that I’ve thought about giving away pretty much since I first brought it home.

The dress is particularly difficult to let go of because it’s tied to memories of an amazing week I had in July 2019 when I went to Portland for the Tin House Summer Workshop—basically summer camp for writers.

I’d never even attended a book reading before Tin House, but there I found myself surrounded by incredible writers generously sharing their craft and work at lectures, readings and workshops. That week changed who I thought I was and what I thought I could be. I could actually feel myself growing. I swear I got bigger inside, which in turn made me want to dream bigger.

Halfway through the week, I ran out of clean clothes—a consequence of trying to pack all my bedding, clothing, toiletries, workshop materials etc. into my carry-on. Luckily, we had a free afternoon to explore Portland, so I decided to buy one item to add to the mix, hoping it would make my already worn t-shirts look like entirely new t-shirts. (Spoiler: LOL.)

After spending way too much time at Powell's, I stopped quickly at Madewell and found the dress on the sale rack. With no time to try it on, I rationalized the purchase this way in my mind: it was on sale, denim is a practical fabric, it was long enough to wear without shaving my legs, and I could maybe style it backwards or straps-down to switch things up. (Spoiler: LOLOL no.)

What I failed to consider was my Unified Theory of Personal Style: Each of us has a certain essential quality that comes through no matter what we wear, and one must consider their essence when picking out clothes.

My essence can be described in a variety of ways:

• Always does her taxes on time

• Looks like she knows where the nearest playground is located

• Visits the library multiple times a week

• Worries about finding a mate to cross-pollinate her plum tree

And regardless of what I wear, this ineffable quality permeates my overall style. Sometimes it is a good thing—it’s how I get away with wearing what some might call leather hotpants at the office (a co-worker did call them that once, haha). My wholesomeness has a way of draining the sexy out of any outfit.

Things get tricky, however, when I put on anything that amplifies my essence, like a Peter Pan collar or an apron dress. It’s too on the nose and gives me a sister-wife vibe that I can’t shake, no matter how hard I style it.

Putting this all down into words has been a helpful exercise—I’m with Joan Didion when she says, “I write entirely to find out what I'm thinking…”—and now it’s obvious I have to let the dress go.

Yes, it is a souvenir from a seminal time, but everything I gained from that week in Portland will stay with me even if I don’t have a physical reminder of it. Tin House has become part of my essence, in a way, something I couldn’t shake even if I wanted to.

:) Teresa

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