> CD #35: Giving and getting
A few days ago, we celebrated my husband’s birthday, and I did something I’ve rarely done in our almost 20-year marriage: I gave him some new clothes. As I mentioned before, I have never had any interest in dressing him, but the handful of t-shirts he owned were all disintegrating (think cheesecloth) and I couldn’t ignore the problem any longer. It was a total pity buy, but he seemed genuinely surprised and touched by my gesture. I’m guessing he was also relieved to have avoided going to the mall for another few years.
Giving clothing as a gift has always felt very fraught to me. You really have to know someone to choose something for them to wear, and even if the person you’re buying for says they don’t care about clothes, they often will have strong preferences. Even if you’re giving someone a basic t-shirt, you’ll need to consider its size, cut, colour and fabric composition at the very least. And if any of your choices are off, the person won’t like it—or they’ll say they like it but never actually wear it.
Maybe I’m just extra sensitive because I’ve made mistakes in the past. I once tried to give my husband a pair of red flannel pyjamas for Christmas. He was pretty happy with the gift until he tried them on and noticed the button flap was on the wrong side… it turns out I had bought him women’s pjs, lol. How was I supposed to know? They were displayed in a gender-neutral part of the department store. And why is sleepwear gendered in the first place? I mean, this is clothing we wear when we are literally unconscious. Anyway, I ended up wearing those pjs for many years, so all was not lost.
The best clothing gift I ever received came as a surprise in the mail shortly after our house burned down in 2012. I was still wearing mostly borrowed clothes (many thanks to the friends who outfitted me from their own closets in those early days) when I received a package from Vancouver filled with brand-new items a friend had picked especially for me. I was amazed at the amount of care she had taken, how she’d chosen clothes from some of my favourite stores in colours and fabrics I liked—in all the right sizes, too! Her thoughtfulness and generosity meant so much to me. Sure, I would’ve been fine without the gift—I’d already learned that our family doesn’t need much to be happy—but the clothes helped bring me back to myself and reminded me of life beyond survival mode. Things would feel normal again one day, they promised.
Even though I like to pay things forward, I don’t think I’d ever have the confidence to do what my friend did for me. I’d probably just chicken out and send a gift card. Sigh. How do you feel about giving clothes as gifts? Have you ever received clothing you really loved? Has someone close to you ever chosen something for you that made you wonder if they even knew you at all? I’m curious. I’d love to hear about it.
:) Teresa
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I still have no idea how to differentiate between male and female button-down shirts--and why are they different? So your PJ gift-giving story really touched me, haha!
Whenever people do give clothes as gifts, they are usually something where size doesn't matter--gloves, hats, scarves. I'd never give someone a dress.