> CD #81: Dig and be dug
On Monday night, I did my final event with the University of Calgary alongside this year’s incoming writer-in-residence, Leah Horlick—an incredibly talented poet and all-around beautiful person. Our readings went well, and the room was warm and welcoming, but my introvert self was on edge because there was a reception afterwards. I’m not great at mingling with strangers, especially in unstructured situations where everyone knows you and you know nobody.
Only this time I did know someone: my fan!
I first met my fan, Connie (not her real name), when she attended some comics workshops I did last spring. She was an enthusiastic student and a dream to have in class. Connie is a lawyer and, months after we met, she hooked me up with a speaking gig at a dim sum lunch for Asian-Canadian lawyers. (Note: The way to touch my heart is through dim sum. Cantonese speakers, see what I did there??) For the event on Monday, she brought along an entourage of young protégés—all Asian women—and gave me a gift as well.
When I call Connie my fan, I don’t mean to sound dismissive or mocking at all—except maybe to mock or dismiss myself. She is simply an enthusiastic reader who appreciates my work. And I feel quite honoured, but also kind of surprised, that anyone would make an effort to come out specifically to watch me read. I mean, seriously, who am I?
To be honest, it makes me a little uncomfortable, too. Not because Connie isn’t a lovely human, but because I’m so used to being the fan. And at events featuring writers, I’m supposed to be the one gushing with admiration. The world just makes so much more sense when I am the fangirl.
Side note: My current literary fangirl obsession is Elaine Castillo. How to Read Now is amazing, and I can’t stop watching video interviews of her. The readings in this one and the conversation in this one are particularly good. She’s so smart and funny and cool and I wish we could be friends.
There is something wonderful about being an unabashed fan of someone. It makes the world feel bigger somehow, and more shimmery around the edges. While it might be easier (or safer, or cooler) to keep your opinions reserved, life is much more interesting when you’re open about the things you love. It is good to gush sometimes—and I sincerely believe this energy comes back around eventually.
It reminds me of the second half of Langston Hughes’ poem “Motto,” when he writes:
My motto,
As I live and learn,
is:
Dig And Be Dug
In Return.
So who are you digging these days? Have you let them know?
:) Teresa
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I saw Neil Gaiman at this same event when he was passing on the residency to another writer. I did not try to shake his hand as the line ups were horrendous but it was amazing to hear his voice and be in the same room. I feel the same with you, Teresa. You have a creativity with both words and pictures I am always blown away by. I dig you😊